Because some times I love something so much, I have to blog about it.

Does anyone even still read this blog? lol
I'm still so mad at google for the loss of my blog domain but honestly it's whatever.
So I never read articles that people post on Facebook, like never.
There are always 15 different links and ads that you have to get through to even get to the article and then it's dated from like 2008 so it isn't even relevant anymore.  Either that or the comment sections of the articles make me literally sick and sad so I just really never go there anymore.
Until tonight.
I am in a couple of Adoption Forums or groups on Facebook and tonight someone posted an article and I seriously felt led to read it.
I am so glad that I did.
I'm not going to send you to the article because of said ads and links but I will copy and paste it here.
This article spoke to me.  It had me crying and smiling and feeling all of the feelings.  This article is just everything.  When Adam and I were going through Amelia's adoption process it felt like we were going through it completely alone. I love this so much.
Here it is:

Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,

I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son's school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.

It doesn't matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.

Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn't in God's plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin's neighbor's friend. Maybe you ignored them.

Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.

Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that's what we do, isn't it?

I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes -- but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.

I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes -- so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.

I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.

I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.

Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby's room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.

I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.

And I know about the follow-up visits, when you hadn't slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.

And I've seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what's being promised and what's not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.

I've seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that's emerging. I've seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn't have to go through with this. I've seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments -- while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.

I've seen you look down into a newborn infant's eyes, wondering if he's really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.

And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.

I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.

I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn't even know you were holding for months. Months.

I've seen you meet your child's birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I've seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile ... people who love him because he's one of them. I've seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he's shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.

I've seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things -- but you can't protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.

I've seen you at the doctor's office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little spaces don't turn into big problems later on.

I've seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?

I've seen you wonder how you'll react the first time you hear the dreaded, "You're not my real mom." And I've seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.

I've seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being that it is the other way around.

But most of all, I want you to know that I've seen you look into your child's eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that's just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter -- and whose loss would be like the loss of yourself.

***

I wrote this piece after reading an essay by Lea Grover titled "Dear Less-Than-Perfect Mom." The post by Lea was wonderful, and it made me think about us moms who found our sweet babies through adoption, and how we face unique challenges. I hope you enjoy it, whether you are the parent of an adopted child or not.

This post originally appeared on KathyLynnHarris.com.

things i can't understand #mikebrown

As I write this, there is a "Peaceful Protester" standing less than one minute down the street asking for Justice for Mike Brown.

These are photos from a city not 15 minutes away from my house right now....

First of all, let me say, I can't even begin to understand everything that is going on with the whole situation that is happening here in St. Louis.  I know that it's heartbreaking. I know that it makes me sad every second that I see something about it online or the television.  I was in complete shock when I saw with my own eyes, down the street, as I drove home from work today... heartbreaking my friends.

I hate that this has become a race thing... and it has. I have heard comments from people in public that make me want to throw up.  Apparently, they don't see my precious little brown baby at my side.  

I had someone really close to me say, "Well, if you saw those two men walking down the street, wouldn't you be scared?"

No, no I wouldn't.  I see people like that everyday walking into my school, kissing their kiddos goodbye as they leave the building for the day.  To me, that's a dad.  That's someones son.  That is a man who has a family and people love them.

I am soooooo color-blind.  I just don't see what some people see I guess.  

My good friend Katie wrote a post about white privilege, it's eye-opening; its amazing.  It has brought so many feelings to light for me.  (Please go read it)

Just like Katie mentions in her post, many questions were brought to our attention during the countless home-studies and social worker visits before and during our adoption process of Amelia.  These questions all circled around the one resounding theme "Are you prepared to raise a black child in your white home?"

Of course we can!!

We have hundreds of books on trans-racial adoption and children's books with titles like "The Skin I'm In."  I had done a ton of research and even took a class on caring for Amelia's hair type.  Most of her baby dolls and toys are light-skinned to match her.  We have plenty of close friends and a church family full of color surrounding Amelia. 

But being the peace-loving, hippy mind-set girl that I am I was never prepared for things like this.  Katie put it into perspective for me with this one post.  One day, someone will immediately judge my daughter just because of her skin color. One day, when she isn't walking through a store and holding hands with her white mother and her white father.

Again, I have no idea what really happened this past weekend in Ferguson.  No one REALLY knows quite yet.  I do know that violence is never the answer.  HATE is NEVER the answer.

My heart is sad.

Please keep the STL in your prayers friends.

Here's a little photo from a shoot Amelia was in this past month...

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate

only love can do that."

-MLK

xo

janel

one year

This post is late coming but it's here :)

Amelia's big one year birthday party!!
Being that Amelia is a Leap Day baby, we decided to celebrate her birthday on March 1, every year that doesn't have a February 29.
This year it was perfect because I had the day off of school so we were able to spend the whole day together as a family.
The theme was "You are my sunshine" and the decor was all pretty much DIY :)
Here are some photos from the day:

We of course, had to do a Smash Cake :)

Our BIG eater had no problem going crazy with the cake.

It was such a blessed day full of family and friends and love for our sweet little Amelia.

It is unreal how fast this year has gone.

She's talking, has teeth, and her hair is out of control in the best way possible.

I love her times infinity.

xo

janel

11 months.

My little sweetie pie turned 11 months yesterday!

Next month she will be a year old.

Crazy.

11 months

* the best 11 months of my life

*  you are eating everything, EVERYTHING.

*  whenever we eat anything we always let you try it and you always love it.

*  you are saying all kinds of little words now

*  you like to repeat our actions and our words

*  you think you are so funny (and you totally are)

*  you still sleep like a champ at night, and during your naps.

*  you are soooooo close to walking.

*  you stand by yourself a lot 

*  your favorite word to say is "uh-oh"

*  you squeal with delight every time your daddy walks in the room

*  you are the most amazing little girl I know

Seriously, I can not believe she is getting so big!

She is the most precious gift that I have ever been given and each day with her is a blessing.

xo

janel

a year ago today...

A year ago today, we got THE CALL.  This was the call that would change our lives forever...

(Adam had just had Lasik, hence the sunglasses)

Dear Amelia's birth mother,

Thank so much for initiating that phone call.

Thank you for loving your daughter so much.

Thank you for allowing us to be her parents.

Thank you for giving us the biggest blessing we could have ever asked for.

Love,

Janel

I can remember this day, one year ago, so vividly!!

I was at school, eating my lunch in my classroom, by myself.

The secretary came over the intercom and said that I had a phone call, that it was my husband, and she would put the call through.

I remember begin really scared that something bad had happened since Adam would NEVER call my school to talk to me.

(I can easily answer my cell phone at anytime during the day)

I remember he sounded nervous.

I remember feeling nervous.

He asked me if I was sitting down.

That made me even more nervous.

He told me that we were chosen by a birth mother and that we would be able to meet her later that week.

He told me what he knew about her and that the social worker was 98% sure that she was going to have a girl.

I cried.

I danced.

I called everyone that I knew and ran around the school to tell everyone that I am close to.

I remember thinking that 98% sure wasn't 100% sure but I knew in my heart that we were going to be parents to a little girl...

Today is a great day.

xo

janel

the weekends

The weekends are the best because they are filled with Amelia.  I get to spend the whole day with her, and seriously, it doesn't get any better than that.  Here are a few shots from my morning thus far...

This girl is a mover and a shaker.  We played kitchen, we wrestled with Catalina, we read the sweet love letter that her grampy sent her, we had a dance party to Florence and the Machine, and we practiced climbing onto the couch.
Has it really almost been a year?
wow.

xo
janel

10 months.

Little Miss Amelia turned 10 months today!

Time is flying by for sure.

I can't believe that, in two short months, Amelia will be a year old.  

These monthly photos are getting more and more fun to take.

She is definitely a mover and a shaker and it's so hard to get her to sit still.

The above photo took about 15 minutes to get :)

Here are some of my favorite outtakes.

This last one is what she looked like when her daddy walked into the room :)

She loves her daddy so much.

Alright, here is her little monthly run-down:

10 Months:

* the best 10 months of my life

*  your first tooth is making it's way out! Yay!

*  you are walking around while holding onto things

*  whenever you hear music or singing, you wave your hands like a conductor

*  you wave hello and good bye

*  you give us high-fives

*  you added "nigh nigh" to your growing little vocabulary

*  you are still the happiest, sweetest baby in the world

*  you love playing with more complex toys

*  you are eating real food now, like a big girl, that we grind up

* your hair is finally growing back out and getting so curly!

*  you are very adventurous and brave.

*  we love you so much

*  you are the best.

I need to start planning for her first birthday!!  That is super exciting :)  Our little girl is growing up.

She's amazing.

xo

janel

Project Life-Week 46

Week 46

Some weeks are always going to be more FULL than others right?

This week actually contains 8 front and back inserts!

Week 46 was a roller coaster but the ups definitely outweighed the downs and I am so glad I have it all recorded :)

This was the week that Adam landed himself in the ER twice, spent two nights in the hospital (one of which was in the ICU).  This was a very emotional and scary time but our faith never faltered and Adam was home in time for his 32nd birthday.  Praise God.

We saw Paul McCartney.  Best show ever. I loved the story of "Blackbird" as I mentioned before and I had printed out this photo from a shop so I could show Adam that I wanted it :)  I placed it into my PL album as a reminder of the beauty. 

On the back of this insert, I have the set list of songs that Paul McCartney played.

Did I mention is was the best show ever? :)

This next insert is a favorite.  I love these pages because they are perfect for Instagram photos!!  I have back to back photos that took at the show on this page.

On Saturday, it was National Adoption Day/Amelia's Adoption Day.

This was in our swag bag that we got at the court house.  I also slapped on one of the stickers that we had for National Adoption Day as well.

On the back I have a copy of the court papers that we received.  I blurred out all of the important information but most importantly...CASE CLOSED!

Done and done!

I used an 8 1/2x11 insert to add this little Title page that I made in Photoshop. 

On the back of that, I typed up all of my memories from that day and printed it to size to slip in.

Next, we have another front and back 4x4 photo page.  These are all of the photos from the Court House.

Next up I have one of the triangles from a banner at Amelia's Gotcha Day party.  I thought this would be a perfect little segway to the party from the court house.

I also added this little bag from the Smashbook line and filled it with some of the smaller decorations from the party for Amelia to look at someday.

And to keep up with the theme of this week's spread.  I have another 4x4 photo page filled back and front with photos from the Gotcha Day party.

And then to end this week, I made a full page spread with the most important event of the week.  Amelia's new, official, legit, bona fide, name.
(Also, when I printed it out and did the cutting, I somehow lost the "R" in November.  This is something that I totally would have scrapped and re-printed before but truthfully I don't mind it anymore).

Ahhh! This was the best week!!!
Thank you for letting me share it with you :)
xo
janel

Would you like to know more about Project Life? You can read all about it here. You can also check out more of my Project Life pages right here!